You're not going to be having any other conversations other than Lost for a long time.

Final Season Of 'Lost' Promises To Make Fans More Annoying Than Ever

To be fair, I don't have any disdain for this show.  In fact, I've only watched two complete episodes (the very first one and last season's finale), so it would be hard for me to make a judgement.  I've watched some bits and pieces of the show on ABC.com, but the show just never hooked me like it has some of my friends.

The funny thing about this video from The Onion is that people who watch Lost probably don't realize that this is what it's like for the rest of us.  Even if you know the entire story start to finish from listening to your friends babblng on and on about it, there's still this uncomprehendable disconnection between those who have watched the show obsessively, and those who are more casual about it.

One of my Lost loving friends told me that you "cannot appreciate the show if you haven't watched the whole thing."  I tend to disagree.  I think the story is cool, and I've even picked out which characters I like more than others.  Another friend told me that people get aggressive when it comes to Lost, which is something I cannot understand at all.  Is the show amd the time you spent watching it worth any less because there are people who can talk moderately about the show without being "sucked in"?

I'm sure a lot of you out there love this show, and I'm happy for you.  I just hope that you don't gnash your teeth every time someone says that it's just "okay" instead of "OMG PHENOMENAL I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED".  Leave any comments you want, but let's keep it civil, folks.

You didn't help Robert Downey Jr. win his Golden Globe. He helped you.

This speech is the greatest thing I've ever seen.  Forget about everyone patting each other on the back in Hollywood.  When it comes to the international stage of self-congratulation, Robert Downey Jr. bears his cynical teeth and lets everyone have it.

The best part of this whole thing is his flawless delivery.  Without so much as even batting an eye, RDJ criticizes the whole industry for the self-serving practice of award shows, and how full of shit they are.

Keep at it, RDJ.  You've never let us down before, and you don't seem to be showing any signs of starting new bad habits.  Bravo.

Jennifer Love Hewitt's chrystal encrusted clam is not sexy.

She's a beautiful girl, but let's be serious.  This "vagazzling" thing is really a bit much, even for a girl who has dated as many guys as she has. 

"It looks like a disco ball down there." 

Really.  And somehow you think this is cute and/or sexy?  The last thing any guy wants to think about is making it with a hot chick only to be confronted with a diamond chainsaw grinding up their "precious little gentleman".

How have you not opened yourself up for "annoying" attention while talking about how crusty your vagina is?  Oh, I'm sorry, "encrusted".  Like there's a difference.  If you need to smash rocks into your lady bits to get some kind of sensation, you probably have ruined yourself already.

As a disclaimer, I want to make it perfectly clear that this type of conversation is a blatant attempt at resurrecting a dying career.  Whether or not JLH has some kind of sexual disorder is not for me to assume.

Things you are not: sexy, cute, innocent, discreet

If you watched Duck Tales as a kid, you never got over seeing this episode.

You're not over it.  You're in denial.  You liked Duck Tales so incredibly much that you blocked this out and let it happen.  You sat stuffing your face with Lucky Charms while the Beagle Boys used chloroform to subdue Webigail, then took her to a seedy attic apartment where they forced her to do porno (at this time in her life you can guess what kind) and ultimately probably gang raped her.  You sat there and yelled for mom to bring you some more apple juice.

You're not innocent.  Don't blame this on "the bystander effect".  This is 2010, motherfucker.  If you see something, say something!  You're just as guilty as those sick-minded Beagle Boys, and that downright pervert Uncle Scrooge (hi, Jimmy! j/k). 

Things you are not: innocent, experiencing bystander effect, 8 years old, getting anymore apple juice until dinner time

You're not gunna like this, but Mininova is dead.

I know, I know.  We're all sad, Mr. Messy Hair Blubbering Boy.  For years, users from around the globe have come to rely on such sites as Mininova or The Pirate Bay for just about everything from music to movies to television.  Now those public trackers are going cold or legal or they're locking themselves into military style bullet proof bunkers to keep out the RIAA killjoys (click the link; that's not even a joke, people)

Seriously, dude, get over it.  File sharing has been the M-O of the internet since the inception of broadband, and for a good deal before that.  There will always be something else for old fashioned greedy businessmen to bitch about, so just focus on that.  Maybe get your ass out of that pink Snuggie and get a Usenet account?  They've been successfully breaking the law a lot longer than any torrent site.

Not that I would EVER download something illegally, mind you.  I rather enjoy paying in excess of 20 dollars for CDs that feature lowest-common-denominator artists like Kings of Leon and Lady Gaga playing the same exact song 10 different ways (whatever happened to at least 15 tracks per album?).  I also enjoy paying 10 dollars + to go see a movie I'm fairly certain will be full of bad acting and a lot of special effects (god, movie makers are just SO CREATIVE these days).  My favorite, though, is paying a monthly service fee for what amounts to a VCR so I can watch wholesome entertainment like Jersey Shore or Jon and Kate Plus 8.  Long live shitty business models!

Let's all forget about developing value for the given purchase price and stick with the cheapest shittiest product we can come up with and charge more for it and shove more advertising into it.  That certainly seems like the answer to me.  Let's punish our audience by taking away delivery methods that they enjoy, and let's send them threatening letters saying they had better stop watching our movies, because that will certainly boost sales, won't it?

I knew you'd agree.

This is not how you act sexy for your boyfriend, who is cheating on you. (slight nudity involved)

Are you serious?  What the hell do you think you're doing?  First off, you're broadcasting this to the entire damn internet; and, secondly, you're putting yourself in a most vulnerable position by putting the headphones on.  If there's music involved, honey, the audience wants to hear it.  It's probably more entertaining than watching you flail about trying miserably to look like a New Jersey stripper (or, better yet, a New Jersey guidette).

I love how your friend just mocks you in the background.  She's probably the one who stole this file and uploaded it for all the world to see.  She knows how pathetic this looks, and how much everyone is going to laugh at you.

You're embarrassing yourself not only because this is a stupid idea, but also because he probably doesn't even like you.  He probably hooked up with you once when he was drunk because one of your more attractive friends wouldn't give him the time of day.  In other words, he settled for a hookup that night.  If you think that's a relationship, then continue making an ass out of yourself on the internet.  Personally, I think he's cheating on you.  I know I would.

Things you are not: sexy, cute, in a relationship, keeping things private

(disclaimer: Before writing any nasty comments, try to remember that this is a humor blog.  If you thought about it and you still want to make a fool of yourself, go right ahead.)

George Lucas, you're never going to live down the tragedy of Phantom Menace

The funny thing is that this is the first part of a 70 minute dissection of nonsensical fuck up that ruined your darling Star Wars series.  Count that, Lucas: 70 minutes of trashing your ass, complete with behind-the-scenes footages that proves that you didn't know what the hell you were doing with that movie, and even raises the question of whether or not you would have screwed up the original Star Wars if you had as much control over the situation as you did with Phantom Fuckup.

The 70 minutes that it takes to watch this entire review are well worth anyone's time, but especially yours, Georgie.  The prequel series is already finished, and it's one hell of a train wreck.  As a Star Wars fan, I'm a bit disappointed, but happy to say, that the 70 minutes I spent watching this psychopath rant and rave about your idiocy and lack of cohesion in the prequels was actually more entertaining than all three movies put together.

What's done is done, Lucas.  All we can do now is bitch about it, and you're gunna be hearing shit like this for a long fucking time.

Things you are not: a good film maker, sane, in control, smart

You're not an athlete, and you will never be one.

I'm sorry to let you know this, but the only time anyone watches a "parkour" video (what a fucking TERRIBLE name for a so-called sport) is at times when they think they're going to see shit like this, where idiots like you jump off of things expecting to look like Tony Hawk but wind up busting your face into a million pieces in the name of something you made up to try and look cool.

Extreme sports include a real element of danger, usually coupled with a tool to aid the athlete in defying some sort of inevitable death that would happen under any ordinary circumstance.  snowboarding, hang gliding, jet skiing (with ramps and crazy tricks), and everything Evel Knievel pulled off: these are all examples of this.  Not parkour.

Parkour is a sport where fameball idiots intentionally throw themselves down stairs and cause injury to themselves because they're living up to their reputation as fucking idiots.  Most of the people who engage in this type of bullshit are of sound mind <--THAT'S FUCKING SARCASM, FOLKS.

Things you are not: athletic, agile, cool, skilled, smart, Evel Knievel