Austin Keenan presents: "No, you're not."

Thoughts and links from a cynical skeptic
 

You're not going to believe this situation in Haiti. Please help!

Haiti

This isn't a post with the usual venomous commentary.  As long as this horrifying incident still has everyone's attention, I just wanted to draw some eyeballs to a situation that has left the Haitian government all but shut down, left possibly hundreds of thousands dead (including many children caught inside of collapsed school building) and has received little coverage from American media because of the lack of information.

As things are looking grimmer and grimmer, many organizations are mobilizing to collect donations to help the country out.  If you're so inclined, please take a minute to view this blog post and pick out an organization to donate to.  This tragedy will fade from memory quicker than we can do anything to help the people of Haiti recover, so do what you can now.

(image via New York Times)

Filed under  //   aid   charity   disaster   donation   earthquake   haiti   help   poverty   red cross  
Posted January 13, 2010
// 0 Comments
 

You're not going to have a good holiday, and your party will definitely suck.

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You live in a dump.  Nobody wants to hang out with you during the holidays because all you do is get overly excited about a commercial holiday that has outlived its time as a relevant factor in American society.

Everyone hates Christmas, whether they admit it or not.  The only reason anyone goes about any of the trouble to celebrate the holidays (GOD, I hate how i have to keep using a bullshit euphemism like that) is so that they either a) get laid or b) get something nice in return or c) make themselves feel better about acting selfishly all year with meaningless, token motions of generosity that add up to "spending money for no reason". 

This includes any and all charity work done in between Thanksgiving season and New Year's Day.  If you manage to go help out the homeless on New Year's Day, despite your uncalled for and ridiculous hangover, you get a by.

So stop planning and decorating and churning out the "Secret Santa" bullshit.  You're full of it, and everyone knows it.  If you want to have people come by your shanty, give them free booze and tell them everyone else will be there.  If you want to embrace the holiday spirit, join a fucking church.

Editor's note: Gina Genese is excluded from the criticism contained within this post.

Things you are not: Christian, generous, festive, popular, thoughtful

Filed under  //   austin   charities   charity   chaunukah   christmas   comedy   cynical   cynicism   empty   funny   gestures   haunakah   haunukah   holidays   humor   keenan   kwanza   parties   party   sarcasm   sarcastic   skeptic   skeptical   thanksgiving   thedailytube   useless   viral  
Posted December 19, 2009
// 2 Comments
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