You are MOST CERTAINLY not a "social media guru".
Like, are you fucking kidding? What the hell is a "social media guru"? Is that when you have nothing better to do than put made up occupations in your profile and go around Twitter following as many people as you can without being reported as a TOS abuser or a spam artist, with the feeble hopes that maybe 1 in 100 people will follow you back? Guess what, guru, the ones that follow you back are probably fucking BOTS.
You're not a guru of anything. You're overweight, undersexed, don't have any REAL friends, followers, or connections, and you're never going to get paid for fucking around on Facebook all day. If you want to get sponsored, go do something that means something to someone. At least that's a start, rather than filling everyone's inboxes with add requests, tweeting about asinine garbage like "How social media works for you," (I said that in my deep, childish mockery voice), and acting like you're helping people "build their brand". Shut the fuck up. All you're doing is begging for people to read your stupid, poorly written blog which you think is going to attract ads and sponsors. It's not. Wake up. The media is fucking dying because of ad sales and because it's an over-saturated industry full of hacks like you. Once you and your kind finally give up, some of the real work can start to get done. You're as much of a guru as The Love Guru was funny. Stand up, walk outside, and reconsider what you've been doing with your life for the past few months. Is it really worth it? Are you proud of what you've done? Have you really contributed anything to anyone at all? Or have you just deluded yourself into thinking this is some kind of forward-thinking career move that will pay out in the long run? Are you successful or are you going to be? To which I reply: No, you're not. Things you are not: a guru, smart, successful, popular, attractive
